Style Conversational Week 1204: Keep your chins up! The Empress of The Style Invitational on this week’s contest — ‘silver linings’ — and results (Jessica Kourkounis/Getty Images) By Pat Myers Pat Myers Editor and judge of The Style Invitational since December 2003 Email // Bio // Follow // December 1, 2016 Evidently one’s occupation as a poop joke judge conveys the aura of Great Wisdom. How else to explain the email I received yesterday from a woman I don’t know but must be on The Style Invitational’sweekly notification list , since affter her name she gave the title “hanger-on” (the newsletter begins “Dear Loser, Aspiring Loser or General Hanger-On). The subject line was simply “Dark thoughts.” And the body of the email: “It’s been almost a month and I’m still stunned. I don’t know what to do about this. People have explained to me how it happened, but it still doesn’t make sense. I work for the federal government. He’s going to be my Commander in Chief. How did such a despicable waste of space win the Presidency? How? How?” So let’s help out this beleaguered non-Loser with our “silver linings” contest for Week 1204 . (Gallows humor is humor.) My deepest thanks to Gene Weingarten, who was going to do a column with the same theme, for letting me use it as a contest instead. This isn’t one of those highly structured Invite contests like Ye Olde change-a-letter-and-define-the-result; instead, I’ll see what the Loser Community sends me and we’ll see how the humor develops. Here’s a little tip: I’m a little uncomfortable about how partisan this contest will seem, so I hope to include funny entries that reflect the views of what is, after all, the majority a sizable minority of American voters. Meanwhile, don’t forget that there are /three/ Invitational contests running right now. In addition to the new Week 1204 (deadline Dec. 12), we have Week 1203 — what would you do with any of several given magical powers — and the Week 1202 song parody contest, in which the lyrics have to express hope in some way. Both of those are due Dec. 5. (Techie note: Because the usual short URL was already taken, the short address for this week’s contest is bit.ly/invite-1204, rather than ... invite1204.) *AND IF ALL ELSE FAILS . . . PAR-TAY! LOSER POST-HOLIDAY PARTY, JAN. 14* Save the date for the biggest event in the D.C. area in January 2017: Loser (Steve Langer, Chevy Chase, Md.) has really dumb ideas graciously offered to host this winter’s Loser Post-Holiday Party, a potluck and parody-fest open to all Losers, their handlers, and even Just-a-Readers. Super, possibly unprecedented bonus: Steve’s house is within walking distance of the Metro (Friendship Heights station). Loser Steve Honley has already agreed to play piano. While we’ve never had a problem resulting from sending the party invitation to the entire Style Invitational email list — we’ve always ended up with a manageably sized and well-behaved crowd of 50 or so — I’m a bit hesitant to open our arms (er, the Langers’ arms) — to 8,000 people. So: If you’re reading this column, we’re happy to have you join us — that in itself confirms your Loserliness; but if you don’t see theStyle Invitational Devotees page on Facebook and you’re not a regular Invite entrant, I probably won’t be sending you the invitation. SO all you have to do is email me at pat.myers@washpost.com and let me know you’re interested, and I’ll send you more info and put you on the list. (If I don’t recognize you, we’ll first have a little email chat.) People who get multiple ink in the coming weeks, I’ll probably invite you repeatedly on your prize letters; just chill, okay? You’re getting a magnet! *12-PACKS OF BIERCE*: THE ‘DEVIL’S DICTIONARY’ ENTRIES OF WEEK 1200* */A non-inking headline suggestion by Jeff Contompasis / That would be Ambrose Bierce, author of the famed 1906 “Devil’s Dictionary,” a marvelous compendium thatcontinues to zing 110 years later (“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage”; “Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another”). And in Week 1200 we made the totally arbitrary rule that the term plus the definition must add to exactly 12 words. For 1200. Whatever. We /always / get lots of Bierceworthy definitions in these contests — with many of them referring to new terms or situations — plus a whole lot of 12-word entries can fit on the page for the Invitational’s print version. So we have 45 inking entries this week, though only for 23 people; for some reason there were buckets of duplicate ink this week: Kevin Dopart, in addition to his runner-up, blotted up five honorable mentions. Inkin’ Memorial winner Hildy Zampella got four blots total, as did Chris Doyle. And Jesse Frankovich and Duncan Stevens each got three. — as did newcomer Daniel Galef, whose ink total boings from two to five. But this is his second runner-up prize; Daniel’s first, in Week 1187, was for a similarly cynical neologism: “World Wide We: Oneness and harmony with all humankind. Mutually exclusive with Internet use.” Another occasional Loser, Dave Airozo, slipped into the Losers’ Circle for the first time, for his sixth blot of ink. *What Doug Dug *and *Laughed out of Courtney: * Lots of faves this week from editors Doug Norwood and Courtney Rukan, who read over the Invite on what’s now called the multiplatform desk. Doug’s favorites were Kevin Dopart’s runner-up for “promises,” Daniel Galef’s “telephone,” Chris Doyle’s “ego trip,” Hildy Zampella’s “Tim Kaine” and Tom Witte’s “loser.” Courtney was even more effusive (though for different entries), singling out, in addition to “promises” and “loser,” Dave Airozo’s runner-up “nail-biter” (Courtney comes from the sports section), “hands” (Jesse Frankovich), “believe me” (Gary Crockett), “make America great again” (William Kennard), “buyer’s remorse” (Nan Reiner), “drain the swamp” (Mae Scanlan), “exercise bike” (Duncan Stevens), “subway” (Kevin Dopart) and “veterinarian.” Don’t forget to write me to get on the party list!